431LKH

Advances in Portable Toilets

2010-10-23T10:28:00.003-05:00

In times past, while traveling in the car well out of range of a public restroom, one would have to use something like an old bottle for a makeshift toilet. Or, I don't know, find an actual toilet maybe. Apparently there is a shortage of readily available toilets, putting many toddlers that are just out of diapers and not quite potty trained in danger. Luckily, there are several opportunistic companies making portable toilets and marketing them to parents of kids in this "danger zone". These are cardboard and plastic things you tote around with you. What you do with them after they have been used I have no idea. Without further ado, I present "Advances in Portable Toilets"!

Potty Flip Disposable Potty

"It's potty time.. anytime." Is this really the message we want to send? I'd prefer "It's potty time when we are within convenient range of a bathroom or you are wearing a diaper". This was basically a collapsible cardboard box lined with a plastic bag.

TravelJohn Jr. Disposable Urinal

$9.99 for the convenience of peeing in the car? It's called an empty Big Gulp cup, seriously! If this is the TravelJohn "Jr." I am scared to ask what the TravelJohn "Sr." does. And is "gels instantly" really a selling point? Is it that much better to be left holding a container of gelled pee than regular pee? I also notice at the top left it says "each holds 20 oz". 20 ounces?! I think you should be visiting a doctor.

Potette Plus

Because the regular Potette wasn't enough they introduced the Potette Plus! Strolling down the sidewalk and gotta go? Just whip out the Potette Plus like this little girl. Because there is nothing unusual about relieving oneself on a public sidewalk.

Baseball

2010-09-15T14:23:00.005-05:00

I can't think of anything to write about so here are some pictures from recent baseball games we have been to. I went to two Frisco Roughriders games in one week! Unfortunately I only took pictures at one of them.

I was lucky to catch games that had two major league players in them while they were rehabbing injuries! Here is the Texas Ranger's All-Star Outfielder Nelson Cruz:

Also present in the second game (that I did not take pictures at) was All-Star second basemen Ian Kinsler. I did, however, get pictures of Ric Renner, famous FSN sportscaster with his infamous hairdo-

This is the best photo I could find of him online if you don't know who he is-

Next we went to a Texas Ranger's game. Here is the view from our favorite seats (right field lower deck)

Thanks to a controversial homerun call I was even on TV! See that little blue dot next to the orange dot? That's me!

Booster Seats

2010-09-13T23:04:00.002-05:00

My lovely wife just barely qualifies to not have to use a booster seat!

More Baby Stuff

2010-08-25T16:38:00.000-05:00

Toilet Targets

How did they get by on the prairie without them?

Only 13 bucks for 30 packing peanuts, what a deal!!

Seriously, If we end up needing toilet targets I think we'll just use Cheerios, you get a box of like 5,000 for 3 bucks.

Insurance Man

2010-08-24T17:41:00.000-05:00

I would think "no license" would be a problem...

VCR Game

2010-08-23T20:36:00.000-05:00

The VCR Quarterback! Only 3 bucks at Half Price Books, it was very tempting.

Baby Stuff

2010-08-22T20:20:00.000-05:00

While perusing baby things at Target we spotted these gems:

~~Human Leash~~ "Harness Buddy"

Because if you don't buy it, there is nothing to stop an SUV from running your child over.
At least they've improved it since I was a toddler and added a teddy bear to make it a little less degrading.

Cheer for Me! Potty

with "encouraging songs"!

I wish they made adult toilets with multi-language affirmations and "encouraging songs"!
I ponder the scientific panel put together to determine which songs were the most "encouraging".
I was disappointed the "Muy Bueno!" subtitle in the speech bubble didn't turn out in the picture.

Burgers

2010-08-21T20:15:00.000-05:00

Continuing with the "B" theme. A few weeks ago Whataburger gave away free burgers if you were wearing orange. A lot of people showed up, it was surreal. One kid even had an orange life jacket (blurry picture).

Botox

2010-08-20T20:13:00.000-05:00

Judging by her face, apparently Botox will change you from worried to indifferent.

Bread

2010-08-19T20:11:00.004-05:00

Someone really went crazy at the bread store.

PS- I've got 4 solid days of blog posts that start with the letter "B". Hooray!

Bucket Tomatoes (Part 3)

2010-05-25T22:27:00.000-05:00

The bucket tomato plant is dead and has been for quite some time.

Bucket Tomatoes (Part 2)

2009-07-31T15:30:00.001-05:00

Ok, to do this you need two buckets per plant. One will be your water reservoir bucket (the bottom bucket) and the other will be your plant bucket (the top bucket). You will also need something to act as a screen between the dirt and water that will also hold up the upper bucket. Some people buy filter cages made for ponds, but I just cut holes in a coffee can. Another thing you need is a tube of some sort to get the water through the dirt and to the bottom bucket. I used a chunk of old water hose. Let's get started!

First, outline the coffee can on the bottom of the bucket and cut INSIDE the lines (so that the can rim can hold up the other bucket). Then cut a hole wide enough for the hose (not pictured). Next you will need to mark the top of the coffee can in the "dirt bucket" and drill a hole so that you will know when the water reservoir is full (the water will squirt out of the side). Notice the slits cut in the coffee can.

I didn't actually do the above step because my water bucket had a coating of paint I could not get out so I lined it with a trash bag to prevent paint leeching into the water and then my tomatoes. Punching a hole would have messed everything up. Here is what the "top bucket" should look like upside down:
And here is what the inside of the top bucket should look like before adding dirt:

Add dirt, your plant, fill the bottom half with water through the hose and you're done: Granted, it won't make the cover of any gardening magazines, but it will keep a tomato plant from drying out in the middle of a 100+ degree Texas summer. I still need 10 more buckets! I think I may hit up fast food restaurants for pickle buckets or maybe grocery store bakeries.

Bucket Tomatoes (Part 1)

2009-07-30T15:30:00.003-05:00

Remember those tomato sproutlings I grew from seed back in March? Yeah, about those....

I haven't quite gotten around to planting them yet, and they are somehow still alive! Well, six of them are. It turns out I was completely wrong in my assumption I could grow them without special soil. I overwatered them and they got a fungus that was killing them. I broke down and spent the two bucks on some sterile planting soil, doubling my investment in the Tomato Project. They came back to life and have grown about as far as they can in their confined spaces.

Since they've made it this far, I figured they deserved a chance to give us some fall tomatoes, and now is the time for planting for fall tomatoes! Our soil is awful and chock full of giant rocks so I wanted to plant them in containers. I have read a lot about "self watering containers", which is really a misnomer, the correct term would be "sub irrigated container". The idea comes from Earthboxes, which are sold for around 50 bucks. The basic concept is to keep a pool of water under the dirt that seeps up through a section of dirt that is exposed to the water. To complete this project I needed containers! I sent an email to beg my family for any extra buckets they could spare. My sister and her husband came through! They brought me two great buckets..

....not so much. The one on the right had thick paint throughout and even included a sunken paintbrush! I thought this was going to be one long and disgusting cleanout to make this bucket suitable...
Maybe not! I think leaving it in the yard for a few hours in the 100+ degree heat loosened it enough and it came out in one giant glob. It was like a weird rubber bag.

More tomorrow!

Quest for Chickens (Part 1)

2009-07-29T21:17:00.008-05:00

~~Mr. Smith Goes To Washington!~~ No, more like Mr. Me Goes To City Council!

city name photoshopped out to protect myself from anti-chickenites

I don't know when it all started. Whether it was our discovery of the Chickens in the Road blog, or if it was talking with my friend at work about his chickens, or if it was my obsession with chicken tractors I posted about here back in March. Either way, we have decided that we want chickens! Being the responsible citizens that we are, we did not just run out and get chickens. We researched the city code and sadly found out that chickens are only allowed if they are at least 150 feet away from any property line. For that to be possible you would have to have property at the very least the length of a football field with the width of 100 yards as well! I cried fowl! (I will have several more chicken puns where that came from).

I was curious about our surrounding cities, because I know for a fact that the metropolis that my city is a suburb of allows chickens. So I checked ordinances of nearby cities and found out that nearly all of them allow chickens with less restrictive ordinances. Their ordinances are worded so that if your chickens are not causing a problem with odor or noise, you can keep them (as long as it is 12 or less). Our ordinances already have provisions for noise and odor from dogs, cats, and "other animals", so I figured we had a pretty good chance to get this changed and set off to write an email to the mayor and city council.

However, I wanted to be thorough and make sure we had an airtight case so I addressed the misconceptions about chickens (i.e. disease spreading), the noise factor (we don't want roosters, who are the noisy ones) and also cited national news sources on the increasing popularity of backyard chickens and the ordinances changing to allow them across the country. I didn't get a response and figured it was inevitable that to get anything changed I was going to have to go in person and speak to the council. I figure anyone can write an email, but if I show up in person they would know I was serious.

Like most people, I am completely terrified of public speaking, so this was truly a test of how badly I want to have chickens. I've actually found though, that in life when you stretch yourself to do things out of your comfort zone it is the most satisfying experience. I prepared a short speech and we set out for city hall. I made sure to wear nice clothes and a tie so that they didn't assume I was a questionable yokel that was going to stink up the neighborhood with chickens. I pleaded my case..

By law, they can't just drop the gavel and allow the chickens to come to our city, so I was not expecting much. However, the mayor commented that they have received SEVERAL emails regarding allowing chickens and said that it has really been the "hot topic" lately. I think I was right that it just takes someone to come speak in public to get things moving. He suggested that it would be brought up at the next Animal Control meeting. Then, another councilmen spoke up and suggested they discuss it at an upcoming workshop! The same councilmen called me over after the meeting and asked why I wanted chickens and we discussed the issue a little. It turns out he grew up on a farm so maybe he is fond of chickens. So, things are looking good so far, but I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch. (I told you I had more puns).

What is it?

2009-06-30T16:00:00.001-05:00

Update: It's zucchini bread muffins. That was quite an anticlimactic guessing game.
________________________________________________________________

Since I can't think of anything new to post, I'm blatantly stealing my sister's idea of "guess the image". What's inside ? :)

Stencil time!

2009-06-28T21:15:00.005-05:00

Want to add some unique t-shirts to your wardrobe? Make a stencil and bust out some fabric paint!

It's really quite easy! All you need is:

some printable transparencies
an X-acto knife
a decent paint program
a shirt (I like the cheap $3 ones at Hobby Lobby)
some fabric paint (also Hobby Lobby).

I didn't think to photograph all of the steps until I was nearly done, but I think you can figure it out. The first part is finding an image you want to use. Not all images will work, it is best to find one with a good contrast of dark and light areas.

For this shirt I decided to take several images and Photoshop them together to make a funnier image. If you just want to use one image, all you have to do is use your paint program to desaturate it (make it grayscale) and then tweak the brightness and contrast. Basically just set the contrast to full and then adjust the brightness as needed until it looks like a decent stencil.

Can you tell what it is? :) Ok, before printing you need to check the image for "islands" of white space surrounded by black space. Just make sure you can cut out all the black areas without any white areas floating in the middle, or else there is nothing to hold them in place to be painted over. If you have any "islands" you can usually just incorporate a solid line to it in your design somehow.

Ok, next is the least fun part of the whole thing - cutting out the stencil. This can take hours. I prefer to do the cutting while watching a game on TV or something, if you sat and did nothing but cut the stencil you'd go insane. Once it is all cut out I recommend putting a board or chunk of cardboard in your shirt to make it flat, then put something heavy on the edges of your stencil to hold it firmly in place (like the tape dispensers in the picture above). I use sponge paint brushes and tap them over the stencil rapidly rather than brushing. Brushing will lift the small detailed portions of your stencil and paint in areas you don't want painted- learn from my past mistakes! According to the instructions on the paint (your mileage may vary), let it dry flat for four hours. I like to leave the stencil on while it dries because usually the shirt soaks in the paint and you will have to do some touch up. Re-centering the stencil is no fun at that point. When it's dry very carefully remove the stencil and enjoy your creation!

I flipped the mirror image so it looks like it really should instead of reversed.

It's He-man and Skeletor, Master Attorneys at Law of the Universe!! Don't they look awesome in their suits and ties? I think so.

Here is the original image in case you want to try it, although I would not recommend it for a beginner.

Update: Here is a better picture...

Very Strange Clipart

2009-05-28T16:27:00.006-05:00

At work I often need some clipart for a project I'm working on. I like to use the Microsoft website to get this for free, they have a large collection and it's pretty good. Somehow I stumbled on this:

A closer look:

Isn't that bizarre!?

What could this possibly be used for?? A flyer for the Secessionists Annual Luncheon? A web banner for the John Wilkes Booth fan club? Marking President's Day on your homemade calendar?

I find it odd. I guess things are deemed "ok" after there has been an adequate passage of time. For instance, if this was of Kennedy it would be controversial and in bad taste, but in 100 more years? That would be fine. Weird. Weird. Weird.

Media Alarmism, a brief history

2009-04-28T20:31:00.003-05:00

Due to the insane "the sky is falling" style of reporting on the recent pig flu, I felt the need to compile a brief history of media alarmism:

The 1980s: Killer Bees!

I was convinced swarms of killer bees would cloud the sky and kill us all. Total deaths since they came to the United States over 20 years ago: 14

2000: The Y2k Computer bug!

This one was entertaining because at the time I worked for a company that sold computer supplies. Being asked if the printer ink we sold was "Y2K compliant" was especially funny. I wanted to say "No, at midnight on New Year's it will start spraying ink willy nilly!". I will admit it was a genius marketing device by whoever came up with it.

2002: West Nile Virus!
Citronella sales boomed! In the United States since 1999, an average of 113 deaths per year. For comparison, in the U.S. horses cause an average of 200 deaths a year. Where is the media coverage to alert us of our impending doom from horses!? We're all in grave danger! Horses!

2003: SARSSales of surgical face masks skyrocketed. SARS related deaths in the United States: zero. Average lightning strike deaths in the U.S. per year: 62. Number of masks invented to protect us from lightning strikes: zero.

2004: Mad Cow Disease
Deaths in the United States so far: 3. Unless you eat the brain or spinal cord of a cow, chances are you'll be ok. You should be almost equally panicked about vending machines. They kill 2.18 people a year, so be careful out there.

2005/2006: Bird FluU.S. deaths: zero. The surgical mask industry enjoys another spike in sales after the post-SARS decline.

2008: SalmonellaPeppers, tomatoes... nothing seemed safe. Well, not salsa at least. Which in Texas is second only to oxygen in our daily requirements. Total deaths in the U.S.: 11. Total number of salmon eaten per grizzly bear per year: 3000. Yes, I know salmon and salmonella are not related.

And now we have the pig flu. Zero U.S. fatalities so far. The "regular" flu kills 36,000 a year.

My point here is that people need to keep things in perspective and not trust the news media. Most of these illnesses only cause either flu like symptoms or diarrhea in most people. Most of these illnesses can be prevented by washing your hands and not letting people cough on you. This morning there were reports that the pig flu actually responds well to regular flu treatments like Theraflu. Before you take a news story too seriously, note how many times they use the word or words "alert" "panic" "cause for concern" to direct your thinking. Also look out for near-comical graphics in the corner of the screen like crazy red-eyed pigs and story titles in bold letters that are done in graphical fonts to look like they are oozing blood.

I actually did two days of research on this and all the facts are correct to my knowledge. Unfortunately I didn't think to save any of my sources for reference.. so you'll just have to trust me on this.

Books!

2009-04-17T17:02:00.005-05:00

I didn't intend to write a three-tiered post about books but over the past few weeks I have come across three brilliant book related things and had to share!

First is The Logan Square Book Exchange. This guy took an old newspaper box, revamped it, and now it's used as a free community book exchange. I think it's an awesome idea. If you can't get your hands on a used newspaper box I think it would be cool on a smaller scale in a break room at work or something.

The next is Book Crossing. It's kind of like Where's George, except with books instead of money. After you register and enter your books you can track the journey of your book from reader to reader as it makes it's way across the country. I think it's especially fun if you sneakily leave your book ("set it free") on a park bench or in a coffee shop rather than sell it or give it to someone you know.

Finally there is PaperbackSwap. I haven't used it yet, but it's a cool concept. You post your used books, people buy them with 'credits' and you ship the book to them (you pay shipping). This gets you credits, which you can then use to get books!

Weeeeee

2009-04-07T17:20:00.002-05:00

Google Street View + too much time on my hands + image editing software=

NASCAR around my block!

(may take a while to load)

New Tax for Pet Owners

2009-04-01T17:35:00.003-05:00

Being in the veterinary business, I got a heads up on this at work today. I guess this is how they are funding the government bailout. If you are a pet owner you should definitely check it out. Click the image to view the full size page.

"Book Review"

2009-03-31T15:00:00.000-05:00

Ok, so my sister always posts book reviews in her blog so I thought I would give it a shot. In elementary school, one of my favorite times of year (other than "field day" and "kite day") was the book fair! The fine folks at the Scholastic book company would cart in these large book shelves on wheels that were actually two book shelves hinged together and they would fold open. It was always an exciting day when I would see them wheel in those bright blue and red cases down the hall towards the library. Instead of choosing a classic literary masterpiece, most of the time I would purchase a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, much to the chagrin of my parents and teachers. So without further ado, I give you my review of "Secret of the Ninja"!!
The story immediately grabs your attention. Something mysterious is going on at my friend Nada's dojo. It seems that the building is under attack by an evil spirit of some kind and then a sword is mysteriously delivered to the dojo so she calls me to help. Nada also says she has a secret to share with me. Unfortunately, shortly after that I am killed by a stealthy band of ninjas and the story ends.

Overall I give this book two stars. It really grabbed my attention at first, but about the time I was hooked I ended up being murdered. On the plus side, it was a really quick read. A great book if you are looking for something to read to fill the time between your appetizer and entree.

Conspiracy Theory for the Day

2009-03-30T16:54:00.007-05:00

I think a meteor apocalypse is upon us.

Ok, not really, but I am intrigued by outer space. Whenever there is a news story about anything space related I read it. I think it's strange and kind of sad that shuttle launches are so commonplace now they make the tail end of the news, if they make the news at all. Luckily I get most of my news from the internet so I can stay apprised of the goings-on in the galaxy. I was excited last month when there was a report of a meteor over Texas:

(click to view article)

Then on March 7th, I read about one over Westchester, New York:

(click to view article)

Then on March 9th over Nanuet, New York:

(click to view article)

Then on March 17th over Staten Island, New York:

(click to view article)

And most recently, this past weekend, March 29th over Virginia:

(click to view article)

Now, meteors are usually observed as "falling stars" waaaay up in the atmosphere, tiny little meteors that burn up in the atmosphere. Meteor showers happen when the earth passes through a meteor field (left behind by a comet). But these recent events are much different. They are not small falling stars, but huge streaks across the sky that cause sonic booms to be heard. Very intriguing to say the least.

Glow Crosses

2009-03-29T14:30:00.003-05:00

I found these entertaining..

Let your light shine, figuratively and literally, only 50 cents!

My wife bought one, I'm not sure what occasion she will wear it for though.

Chicken Tractor

2009-03-28T09:00:00.003-05:00

Continuing what seems to be a farming theme... have you ever heard of a chicken tractor? I stumbled across this while looking up various gardening stuff.

Photo by VanTucky

It's a portable chicken coop that lets the chickens be free range, but with protection from predators. It has an open bottom so that the chickens cat eat up vegetation (like weeds) while they poop fertilizer. Once they've cleared an area, just pick up one end and scoot it down a little. I think it's brilliant, but our city ordinances don't allow chickens within 150 feet of any property line. Since that is geometrically impossible, we are chicken free. I've thought perhaps we could get some sneaky-chickens, but that probably wouldn't be a good idea.

Click here for pictures of 140 chicken tractors

Click here for the Wikipedia article on chicken tractors

Sproutlings!

2009-03-27T16:03:00.001-05:00

I knew the expensive method of starting seeds was no better than the cheap method!

I planted them Saturday or Sunday so this is day 5 or 6. Contrary to my previous post, they will be moving indoors for a little while thanks to the unpredictable Texas weather plunging into the thirties this weekend.

Spring Planting

2009-03-24T20:45:00.005-05:00

Every year we plant at least a couple of tomato plants. The plants only cost a dollar or two but I have always wanted to start some from seeds. My wife would rather have plants than seeds because of the instant gratification factor, but I like seeds because it gives me memories of elementary school when we would plant beans in Solo cups. I love the anticipation of waiting for the plants to sprout! I looked around online and read a bunch of advice on starting tomato seeds. I found pretty much the same advice everywhere and gleaned from it what I thought were the better ideas and totally ignored what I thought was unnecessary. I took the following advice and used it:

Planting in toilet paper roll tubes (cut in half) rather than spending money on special seed starting pots.
Putting all the tubes in one container so it's easy to move them around
Using plastic wrap on top to create a greenhouse effect and keep it moist.

And I chose to completely ignore the following advice:

Plant in a sterile soil-free "seed starter" mix to prevent disease. (I figure the pilgrims planted in dirt, so the potting soil I had laying around was even better).
Keep seedlings indoors (Too much trouble, the weather outside right now is stable enough).
Put sprouted seedlings under fluorescent grow lights (The sun will do).

Here is my mini-greenhouse:
And a blurry closeup of the toilet roll seed planters inside: I immediately wanted to plant more stuff but had only bought tomato seeds. Luckily, we never threw out our dead jalapeño plant from last year, so I cut one open and planted those. I exhausted our supply of toilet paper rolls, but luckily we had a nice disposable casserole dish from tonight's dinner. Instant greenhouse!
Total cost:
Tomato seed packet: $1 for about 30 seeds
Toilet paper rolls: free byproduct of already purchased toilet paper
Potting soil: practically free, left over from years past.
Container: practically free,left over planter box & used disposable casserole dish.
Plastic Wrap: Half a penny. About one foot of a 200' roll from the Dollar Tree.

So $1 for 30 (potential) tomatoes (about 3 cents each) rather than $2 for one existing plant, a savings of 98.5% (if I did my math right!). A significant savings over special pots, grow lights, seed starter mix, etc. Well, it is a savings if they actually grow. I planted about thirty of each. I will keep tracking progress here if there is any progress to track..

Snow Day!

2009-01-28T10:05:00.003-06:00

Hunting Trip part 2

2009-01-23T17:17:00.005-06:00

Ok, so here are the animals caught on the game camera that managed to evade us last weekend.

Three little piggies by day...

One little piggy comes back at night to investigate the hole full o'slop my brother left for them.

Later that night his family arrives...

Ok, now for a quick story. There used to be this ridiculous game called "Pass the Pigs"

You would roll little plastic pigs like dice and earned points based on how they landed. There was one particular formation the pigs could wind up in called "Makin Bacon". I think that's what's going on in this picture.

There had also been a bunch of does having a ladies night out. The camera captured a little bunny trying to crash the party. You can see the one deer is very concerned about the bunny's arrival.

I've saved the best for last, this one diva cow was ready for her closeup..

Fun weekend

2009-01-19T23:06:00.011-06:00

This past weekend my brother invited me to take a trip to his deer lease. As you can tell by my pair of New Balance "mowin-the-yard shoes" I'm not a huge outdoorsmen, although I do enjoy it when I get the chance. Since deer season had ended recently, we were going to hunt something else... wild boar!

I'm not too eager to try venison, so I've never hunted deer, but I figure ham is good no matter the source and a feral pig would make a better adversary than a deer. My philosophy is, the better chance an animal has against me, the less I mind hunting it. That and the fact wild boar are invasive harbingers of destruction to land that would otherwise be grazed by more desirable animals.

Before arriving we made a stop at the local mercantile for the necessary life sustaining supplies that are vital to making it in the wilderness. Ok, so we bought candy bars and lottery tickets at the Allsups. But, if we had not stopped I would not have had the chance to photograph this nugget of entertainment. It may not be clear, but it shows a woman in a business suit with text that says something about if you are pondering a career change, then think of Allsups! I had never considered Allsups for a potential career change, thank goodness I stumbled across this sign!

Soon we arrived at the luxurious hunting lodge.

Complete with turn-down service (that's my brother putting out the sleeping bags).

And lovely bathroom facilities (although there was not a bidet, we somehow managed).

Here I am doing my best Blair Witch Project impression "Im.... so... scared!!".

And here is my brother checking out his motion sensor activated, infrared (see in the dark), game camera. I bet the pioneers would have loved to have one of these.

So how did the hunt go? Well as my brother has been telling people, we shot everything we saw.

Indeed we did.

We shot this-

And this-

And a whole herd of these-
Sorry if you've enlarged the pictures and squinted to see the animals that weren't there, we came home empty handed. I did however mortally wound an Ozarka bottle with a .22, but didn't get pictures. It was too graphic anyway. Thanks to the game camera, we did have proof that the hogs had been visiting the deer feeder in the days prior... We'll get them next time!

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

2008-12-09T16:48:00.002-06:00

Ok, this song was on and a debate broke out. My wife says she realized that the song is about "Mommy" actually kissing "Daddy", but I maintain that there is no evidence of that and that she is actually kissing Santa. Not that there is any kind of sordid intercontinental love triangle going on, it's innocent, but I think it is actually Santa the song is referring to. I searched the internet but came to no definitive conclusions. The second verse of the song references Santa's white beard, and the original cover art features a traditional Santa, so I maintain my original opinion. What do you think?

Special Guest Blogger....

2008-11-11T17:50:00.005-06:00

Zoey!
Hello to all of my Daddy's readers (both of you)! I am Obi-wan-ka-Zoey. Although I lack the opposable thumbs, I type remarkably well. We had a big storm last night, which left me pretty scared...
But it did soften the ground enough for Daddy to dig a hole in the yard...
Which he filled in with a new crepe myrtle!
It would look much better if he would figure out how to change the string on the weedeater and get rid of the dead weeds along the fence. My grandma and grandpa gave us FIVE crepe myrtles to plant in our empty backyard. I really hope they fare better than the Bradford Pear that Daddy planted a couple years ago...
It hasn't done so well!

Thanks Mom and Dad!

2008-11-04T17:51:00.004-06:00

With Christmas season fast approaching, I had been feeling really guilty that I had not yet used a gift certificate my parents got me for Christmas LAST YEAR to have my car detailed.

You see, during the summer, Texas weathermen like to do this thing my wife and I call the "Summer String-a-Long" where they always predict rain to be about three days away. The problem is, the third day never comes, the rain is always three days away and never shows up, it just stays really hot and dry. I used this perennially pending rain as my excuse for not having my car detailed. Ok, ok, I am the ultimate procrastinator! I finally went, and I am so happy, I don't think my car looked this good when it was new! It's really shiny inside and out!

I managed to take a picture before it got too dark. Thanks Mom and Dad!! :)

DTV

2008-10-30T07:30:00.001-05:00

Important information about the DTV transition!

Let's get analytical!

2008-10-24T18:05:00.005-05:00

I should cook more often.. my last post generated the most unique visits ever on my blog-
There must be a lot of vegetable pasta fans out there!

You may be wondering- how did I get this data?

I will tell you how!

I am a big analytical nerd. It's half of what I do at my job and it's a lot of fun (the other half is marketing, also a lot of fun). So naturally, I would discover the cool tool that is Google Analytics. It is free and as the name would suggest, it lets you analyze your blog. Without this, I wouldn't know that I have received 81 visitors who came here from my Mom's blog. Thanks Mom! Another cool feature is a map that lets you see where everyone is coming from...Most of my visitors are from the U.S. of course, but it was neat to see I have visits from Spain, Greece, Argentina, Columbia, China, England, and Chile. Maybe one of those people will buy me a ticket to come visit their country and cook them some vegetable pasta. :)

As if that was not cool enough, you can click the country to view further detail.. then you can click on the state to view even FURTHER detail! This is where it gets really cool. Google really thinks of everything. You can click on the city to get a street by street interactive map of who visits your website. After clicking on the street name you can get even more detail about your individual visitors, like this...

Ok, so that last part was made up, but Google Analytics is really cool.

Hey, I can cook!

2008-10-21T17:43:00.006-05:00

Growing up, my dad was always the master of breakfast before we headed off to school. I took it for granted that *every* kid probably had a plate of eggs, bacon and toast before heading out for the day. Or maybe pancakes (with smiley faces of course) and sausage. And if the syrup should "accidentally" get on the sausage, all the better. Heaven forbid if we just had "dog food" (his word for cereal). Mom usually handled dinner and on the rare occasion she was not there, Dad's supper time stylings were either breakfast foods (no problem there) or something that involved pan fried potatoes sliced like fries. No problem with fries, but after a few times you realize it's not quite the gamut of Mom on the dinner side of things. Luckily, I like to think I inherited the breakfast food skill. My wife is quite the chef, so I was thrilled when I made scrambled eggs one day and she was trying to figure out how I made them so nice and fluffy. I thought adding a little shot of milk to the mix was common knowledge, but it was new to her. I think this is the sole culinary technique I have been able to share with her, so I was quite happy.No, I can't take credit for that bread. When I got home yesterday I could tell my wife was exhausted. She had spent the day making TONS of delicious apple cinnamon bread and didn't feel up to making dinner (uh oh). Excluding breakfast food, my expertise in cooking consists of spreading tortilla chips on a plate, putting shredded cheese on top, and microwaving for about 30 seconds (Dad really has me beat with his fried potatoes). So I asked what she had planned to cook before volunteering my cooking skills. "Vegetable Pasta" she said. Luckily, this one was pretty simple. I just boiled some water...... and put in the noodles. Then I chopped up some mushrooms, squash, zucchini, onions, and tomatoes. I put this in the skillet after melting about half a stick of butter, let it simmer, then added salt and pepper and garlic of course.
I admit I was nervous as she spooned it up, but it turned out delicious! Plus, it's hard to screw up, especially when you coat the end result in half a can of Parmesan cheese. :)

The Lightning Strikers Are Undefeated!

2008-10-09T22:26:00.006-05:00

That's right, the Lightning Strikers are undefeated! Who are the Lightning Strikers? My fantasy football team of course! I have the coolest wife ever. How cool? I asked where she wanted to go out for our seven year anniversary Monday and she just looked at me with a dissappointed face and asked if I really thought she would rather go out and miss Monday Night Football. Anyways, she is the one who created our fantasy league two years ago. How did my team get a crazy name like the Lightning Strikers? Well, when we are not engaging in such cool activities as fantasy football, we often enjoy a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit on the weekends (we are really wild party people I know). My dear wife usually kicks my rear with her amazing knowledge, but I have a rather mean tactic to stay in the game. On the final space of the game the opponent gets to pick the question from any of the categories on the card. So, since she is usually in the final space way ahead of me, I always choose the hardest question on the card so I can catch up. Usually the most obscure sports questions about golf, tennis, or soccer. One night after literally about 5 hours of a mind numbing Trivial Pursuit standoff, the question I picked was regarding the name of some foreign soccer team that nearly no one on earth would know. Feeling particularly evil, I wouldn't let her just say that she didn't know and I pressed her for the name of the team. Finally she blurted out, "I don't know... THE LIGHTNING STRIKERS!??!". We burst out laughing for the longest time because we are huge nerds. So now I proudly use the name for my team. Man, that was the geekiest post ever. Also, kudos to my brother-in-law for the least creative team name this season. :)

Say hello to my little friend...

2008-10-02T17:23:00.003-05:00

This is one of the fun parts of my job. Our veterinary hospital is also a drop off location for the local wildlife rescue center. We get lots of injured birds, but usually just the garden variety sparrows and what not. But today this little guy came in! I think he is a Tennessee Warbler. He even posed for the camera!

Reader's Indigestion

2008-09-29T17:37:00.008-05:00

My Reader's Digest threw up...

I really dislike the "Business Reply Mail" cards in magazines. I was reading an article in this month's Reader's Digest and the cover slipped out of my hand and I lost my place. I was having trouble finding it again due to these stupid cards so I decided to rip them out. There were four! Then I got overzealous and decided to rip out every page that had a full page ad on both sides. It was 19 pages! On top of that, there were 22 other full page ads that had actual content on the other side. I didn't even bother counting smaller ads. So.. 19 pages with full page ads on both sides= 38 full page ads. Add the 22 to that and it is 60 FULL PAGES OF ADS! This isn't even counting partial page ads and the four "Business Reply Mail" cards! I think it would be best if these would only reach people who want to read them, so I have started my own publication which I call "Just the Ads". Let me know if you want to subscribe and I will send you a "Business Reply Mail" envelope! :)

Bacteria Soap Woo hoo!

2008-09-22T22:44:00.002-05:00

I somehow wound up on dialsoap.com today...

I have never bought into the benefits of anti-bacterial soap. I think it kills "good bacteria" and weakens our immune system. That's just my zany opinion. Anyways, on Dial's website, I found it funny that on one side of the page they mention they are celebrating 60 years of being the "gold standard" in "antibacterial clean" and then, just a FRACTION OF AN INCH on the SAME PAGE from that they promote the new "yogurt nourishing body wash"...

If I remember my 3rd grade science correctly, yogurt is made through the BACTERIAL fermentation of milk. That's right. Yogurt has bacteria in it. But I thought I antibacterial soap was best! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!?!?!

Seriously, I am sure both products are fine, I just thought it was a strange parallel. (Please don't sue me Dial)

Our silly dog

2008-09-11T20:16:00.008-05:00

Ok, I have had writers block for a while and my week has been pretty mundane, so I will tell you how our dog's week has been. I know, I know, exciting stuff! Our little pup is quite the morning person. Most mornings when she wakes up, she does sprints throughout the house just because she is so happy to be alive another day (we can learn a lot from dogs). Sunday was no exception. Unfortunately, in her excitement while trying to jump on the bed, she miscalculated the trajectory she would need to make it at her current speed. She hit the corner of the bed hard and fell backwards and landed on her back. For the rest of the day she was more sedate than usual. After she yelped a couple times when I tried to pick her up, it sealed my decision as an overprotective pet parent that she needed to come to work with me Monday morning and see the doctor. It turned out she will be fine, the diagnosis was "probable strained muscle due to collision". She is on pain meds for a couple weeks, but it is liquid that tastes like honey, so she is fine with it. We have also been lifting her when she wants up and down to make sure she doesn't hurt it any further. However, she is quite a sly dog and I think she has figured out this system. I am not so sure that she is hurting anymore but she is really liking being lifted up and down wherever she wants to be. Now she just pauses and looks up at us like "Well?? Are you just gonna sit there?". Yeah, we are well trained.

Our weed eaters

2008-08-26T17:08:00.009-05:00

I was passing by our back door the other day and caught this bunny lounging comfortably under the shade of our patio cover. If you look closely (click the picture to enlarge) you can see his friend by the terra cotta pot on the left (with the rain-beaten tomato plant). They do their best to try to keep our weeds trimmed, but it is just too much for them. Our dog likes to chase them, but has no interest in actually catching them. If she gets within a few feet and they haven't run away, she makes a wide circle around them until they run off. They don't even leave the yard, they just hop off a few feet and she is happy that she has scared them enough. I think she likes them because they drop that unique tasting kibble that she likes to eat when we aren't looking.

Run for it!!

LOLcats

2008-08-21T21:25:00.004-05:00

This one is for my crazy cat lady sister.

Fix yo kittehs!

Click the picture for more. It's one of my favorite sites.

My drug lab?

2008-08-14T18:47:00.009-05:00

Not quite! Last week "the Mrs." discovered a LOCAL supplier for me to get the good stuff pictured above. It's good quality stuff, not that stuff you get at the local big chain stores that is full of sodium laurel sulfates and whatnot. Ordering good stuff like this online always negates my profit due to the high cost of shipping, so I was really glad to find a supplier nearby. The pharmacy requires an ID for me to get sinus medicine, but the stuff in the picture I walked out with and didn't even have to give my name! What is it? Well, when put into the hands of a master craftsmen (or just me), it becomes this:

Fabulous soap! I have made it for a few years now and thanks to finding a local shop with good quality supplies and over 2,000 scents to choose from, I have taken the plunge and am selling it online in my (second!) Etsy store: Mr Soap! It is a lot of fun to make and even more fun to wash your hands with something that smells like Funnel Cake or Cantaloupe rather than plain old Dial.

The Olympics!

2008-08-12T20:51:00.006-05:00

For the past several days my wife and I have been enjoying watching the Olympics. Yesterday we got into a discussion of how certain sports had only one event, you either win a medal or you go home with nothing. However, in swimming, they have like 30 chances to win a gold medal. It's like getting to go to the arcade with a roll of quarters! Game over? Nah! Try again! This discussion led me to do an internet search related to Olympic swimming and I came across a great story from the Sydney games back in 2000. This, my friends, is Eric Moussambani...

"Eric the Eel" is from Equatorial Guinea, a tiny sliver of a nation on the Atlantic coast of Africa. Prior to 2000, Equatorial Guinea was not known for it's swimmers, mostly because in the whole country there are a total of two swimming pools. That's right, only TWO swimming pools! Luckily, the Olympics has a wild card drawing of sorts to allow developing countries that would otherwise not qualify to participate to have a spot in the games. Due to this excellent rule, Mr. Moussambani would represent his country in the 100m freestyle.

Only eight months prior to the games Eric began training in a "less than Olympic size" hotel swimming pool. Before arriving in Sydney he had not even seen an Olympic pool. Needless to say, swimming all 100m at the same time was quite a tall order for Eric. There were two other competitors in his heat of the 100m, but in a bizarre turn of events, both of them had a false start, which disqualified them from the heat. This meant the pride of Equatorial Guinea was the default winner of the heat and would just have to solo swim the 100m to win. I will let you view the video to see this great Olympic moment. Make sure you keep an eye on the world record time on the left and Eric's time on the right. Both hilarious and inspiring in my opinion.

Friday Favorites- Compost!

2008-08-08T07:38:00.000-05:00

I am hooked on composting. It is the nerdiest pseudo-hobby ever. It all started a year or so ago when my father-in-law decided he wanted to get rid of his compost bins. I am the eternal opportunist when it comes to useful things that are destined for the curb (it's genetic), so I jumped at the chance! They may look like simple Rubbermaid panels that interlock to form bins, but, well... ok, that's exactly what they are! You can make compost bins out of anything or just pile up your materials in a corner, but the bins are a little more aesthetically pleasing than a bunch of ramshackle pallets hammered together into a box.

To start this "hobby" I got my bins set up and did some research on what to put in them. I was delighted to learn there is really no way you can mess up compost, unlike my previous hobby of building small nuclear reactors in the garage, man did that go wrong! Anyways, given enough time, anything will compost, but if you do it right you get compost faster. Composting is simple, you basically mix up "browns" and "greens". Browns are your carbons- dried leaves, hay, shredded newspaper, etc. Greens are your nitrogen- grass clippings, coffee grounds, fruit & vegetable scraps. You can even ask for free "Grounds for your Garden" at Starbucks! Caffeine fix and nitrogen, all in one stop!

Compost occurs in nature pretty much everywhere leaves (browns) fall on the growing plants (greens). This creates a thin layer of compost on the ground over the course of several months or years. The idea of a compost bin is to speed the process by making it into a large pile. The reason for having a good nitrogen/carbon balance is for the little workers who make your compost for you. Tiny creatures, from bacteria to visible bugs use the carbons for energy and the nitrogen for growth. They basically eat all of your yard waste and turn it into compost. By "turn it into compost" I mean the microbes eat your yard waste and then poop compost. Before you decide that is too gross to even touch, think about the part that microbes play in how your yogurt, cheese, or beer is made... and you actually EAT that!

After you start a compost pile you start to realize just how wide a variety of stuff can go in it. The tomato on your plant rotted in the sun? Toss it in the compost! What do I do with all the corn husks from those tamales? Into the pile it goes! I even bought a blender to liquefy scraps and really speed up the process. I'll be honest, the "veggie scrap smoothie" looks disgusting but when I add it to the pile I feel like Uncle Jesse from the Dukes of Hazzard putting the "fixins" in the moonshine still.

Ok, now that you have your compost, what good is it? See for yourself-
Ok, I should have taken the picture before the heat made the marigolds all scraggly. The marigolds on the right I got for free because they were clinically DEAD. When I planted them they were tiny brown crumpled stems. I mixed some compost and potting soil (1/3 compost and 2/3 potting soil) and planted them and they have taken off like crazy. The marigolds on the left were bought and planted alive and just put in regular potting soil. They remain status quo. But who wants status quo plants? I like my super-freak plants, enhanced only by the natural decomposition of the junk that came out of my yard and kitchen!

A little insight into my weirdness

2008-08-04T17:01:00.001-05:00

One year in elementary school I was in a classroom that had a large calendar that took up the entire length of one wall. Each month of the year was on it's own giant poster board in a unique color. It is for this reason that I confuse February and November to this day! As you can see from my handy color coded calendar, February and November were both brown! All the other months were different colors, although March and May were different shades of blue and June and July were different shades of green. For some reason though, this has always made sense to me because they both start with the same letter, so it would be logical to have similar colors.

Also in elementary I was always a little stressed in the lunch line because I would confuse salad and lettuce and didn't know which one it was to tell the lunch lady that I didn't want. I'm sure she was entertained when I asked for no salad on my burger. Hmm... let's see what other weirdnesses can I try to justify through my crazy logic... I tend to read magazines backwards, not the sentences or paragraphs, when I pick one up I just always start from the back cover and peruse backwards. . Ok, for the finale I will reveal how I visualize numbers. I have explained this to a lot of people and there are only two reactions- they either think I am completely nuts or they can relate exactly to what I'm talking about. Ok, so here it is. This is how I view numbers in my head-At 101 the pattern repeats, going up, then to the right, etc etc. Makes perfect sense, right? :)

Friday Favorites!

2008-08-01T17:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, I am blatantly copying my mom and sister's ideas and I'm going to start posting some of my favorite things every Friday. Pictured above is my delicious dinner from last night, BRATWURST!!! I first discovered bratwurst when I was somewhere between 10 and 13 years old. The good people at Johnsonville had set up a huge trailer sized grill at some sort of Octoberfest event my family was at. I expressed interest in this new dish and so my mom bought me one. They were served wrapped in a flour tortilla (although I have not had them in this format since) and were delicious! I remember going back for at least two more that day. Now that I can grill my own, I do every chance I get. There is only one rule to grilling bratwurst. The rule is this: never poke holes in the bratwurst!! Doing so releases all the delicious flavor juices that make them so good. What you end up with is something that resembles a bratwurst visually but only with a hint of the flavor. Another good tip- when you are out somewhere (especially fast food places or ballparks) and you see it advertised that bratwurst is sold, but it is the size of a hot dog and kind of grayish, don't eat it! It's nowhere near as good! In the picture you can kind of see I was indecisive on my toppings. One has mustard, one has ketchup, and the third has ketchup on half and mustard on half. If you are really daring, onions and relish are good to. My wife likes Miracle Whip on them.. she even does this to chili dogs. Disgusting, but it's the only thing we disagree on, so I'll let it slide.

Farewell to Bennigan's

2008-07-30T21:40:00.001-05:00

How sad that Bennigan's is closed for good. Granted, I only ate there probably once every five years. The best thing on the menu was the Monte Cristo (pictured above), a delicious ham and turkey sandwich with melted Swiss AND American cheese that was then DEEP FRIED and smothered with POWDERED SUGAR. If that is not enough, it came with a side of RASPBERRY JELLY to dip it in, and fries of course. While not the healthiest meal, it was tasty and will be sorely missed. However, this closing means there is an opening for another restaurant to come up with something even more delicious and twice as unhealthy! I thought I would give them some help, so here is what I've come up with. I call it, the Monte Jaybird!I am not sure if it will be as delicious, but I am certain that the health aspects will be about the same.

Stargate Continuum!! Woooot!!

2008-07-29T22:58:00.000-05:00

Today I took a trip to Target. Not just Target. SUPER TARGET. Things are usually good when they have "SUPER" in front of the name. This is unfortunately not the case for Target. Today is a very exciting day because "Stargate Continuum" is out on DVD! What's that? You have no idea what I am talking about? Ok. Here is the run down. Back in 1994 a movie came out called Stargate. It starred Kurt Russell and James Spader. If you haven't seen this, I highly recommend it. This kicked off a TV series starring Richard Dean Anderson (aka MacGyver) called Stargate SG-1. This is our (my wife and I) favorite show of all time. It lasted a whopping 10 seasons. The series finale was kind of a downer. There were two main storylines that they didn't really sufficiently finish. So, a few months ago, they released a feature length "straight to DVD" movie to finish one storyline, and TODAY, they release "Continuum" which wraps up the other storyline. Here is the bounty I seek-

Now for the reason I do not like Super Target. When the first DVD came out, I stopped here because it was on my way home from work. Unfortunately, the store is 5 miles wide and I had parked at the south end, only to find the DVDs were on the north end. With this lesson learned I parked on the north end this time! I'm so smart! I quickly grabbed my DVD and headed for the checkout lanes...

As you can see, I am at checkout lane 19, meaning I have passed 18 registers that are closed. 24, 26 and one other was open, but their were people with basket-loads in those lines, so I walked to the far SOUTH END of the store (yes, opposite of where I parked) to get to the "express" lanes. Only one person was in front of me in this "10 items or less" lane... you see where this is going.. yes, she had 17 items! Although there may have been 10 UNIQUE items, there were 17 total. Since the customer is never wrong, I'm sure Target will never explain this nuance to anyone, inconveniencing those of us taking advantage of the convenience of the express lane. I filled my canteen and hired a guide and took the long trek to the opposite side of the parking lot, but I got the movie! And an excellent movie it was! Well worth the trouble!

I look a little loony in the picture, but that is only because it is hard to covertly take pictures of yourself in a store without being thrown out.

Let the weirdness begin!

2008-07-29T22:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, you are probably wondering why I would name my blog something as random as 431 LKH. The reason is twofold. First off, when signing up for my blog I tried several clever and witty names, all of which were taken of course. And since I didn't want to settle for a blog name like coolguy42313, I decided on the one letter/number combo that couldn't possibly be taken. It is the alphanumeric designation given by the Texas Department of Transportation to my parent's Oldsmobile Delta 88 sometime in the mid-eighties. I don't know why, I've always just remembered that license plate number. The earliest event I recall remembering it was when we took a trip to the Guadalupe river. Mom and I went to get the inner tubes to float down the river in while Dad and my siblings parked the car. The guy issuing the inner tubes asked my mom what the license plate number is. This is a system they have in place to stop inner tube theft. In case we decided to suddenly abscond with their precious valuable inner tubes, they would take possession of our priceless Delta 88. Anyways... I remember Mom saying "Gerad, go back to the car and get the license plate number." I said "I don't need to go back, it's 431 LKH". She gave me a strange look and asked me how I knew that. And so began a long string of strange useless things that I remember over long periods of time, while I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday..